Very funny Sofia News Agency joke

www.novinite.com/view_news.php?id=108261

Morning giggle: funny movie moment

"....and the lamenting of their women" or, as spoken in a thick German accent by Arnold, "..and the lamenting of their vimen...."

See Wikipedia "Conan the Barbarian (film)."

Recall of that unintentional hilarious moment from this, um, film work of art history popped into my mind this morning as the topic of my mother, who has a German accent, came up at the bank....so in twitter tradition here's that useless thought of mine ;-) My ex- and I used to dissolve into giggles every time one of us repeated Arnold's classic LOL LOL LOL.

Humor: Submariner view of God's creation

I love this; reading it always gives me a smile. This version is engraved on a nearby Vietnam Veterans' memorial and it can be found in many places on the Internet, including with variations for Aussies, etc.


Submariner

In the beginning was the word and the word was God and all else was darkness and void without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon and the stars so that the light might pierce the darkness. And the earth God divided between the land and the sea and these He filled with many assorted creatures.

And the dark smelly creatures that inhabited the land, God called ARMY and dressed them accordingly like trees and bushes.

And the flighty creatures of the air, He called AIR FORCE and these he clothed in uniforms of light blue to match the sky.

The creatures who sailed on the surface of the sea, God called SKIMMERS. Then, with a twinkle in His eye and a sense of humor that only He could have, God gave them big gray targets to sail on. He gave them many splendid uniforms to wear. He gave them many wonderful and exotic places to visit. He gave them pen and paper so they could write home every week. He gave them afternoons off, showers, movies and ice cream makers and he gave them a laundry to keep their splendid uniforms clean When you are God, you tend to get carried away.

And on the 7th day, God rested. On the 8th day at 0700, God looked down on the earth and He was not happy. So He thought about His labors and in His infinite wisdom, God created a "divine creature" which he called a SUBMARINER. And the SUBMARINERS that he created in His own Image were to be of the deep, and to them He gave the Dolphin insignia. He gave them black messengers of death to roam the depths of the seas, waging war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them submarine hazardous pay so they might entertain the ladies on Saturday nights, and impress the hell out of the SKIMMERS.

And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down on the earth and saw that all was good, but still God was not happy. In the course of His labors He had forgotten one thing. He himself did not have a submariner's dolphin. He thought about it and He thought about it and Finally satisfied Himself, knowing that not just anybody could be a SUBMARINER!

I give President Elect Obama an A+ press conference

I think he did great. I listened to it on the radio, since I don't have a TV, so I can't comment on his suit and necktie, as I would like to (I have a great fashion interest in the neckties that men wear, and have enjoyed shopping for them for my ex's).

In my opinion President Elect Obama was thoughtful, deliberate and constrained in his statements, as well he should be since the press always pushes politicians to go farther than appropriate. Conservatives seem to expect that he make statements that one would make after a coup d'etat, LOL, rather than after his first briefing during the transition while there is obviously a still sitting and active President and Congress. If one listened carefully he did make a few interesting points of substance, just the right amount.

And he was droll! Readers know that I admire humor that is droll, and that requires a deft touch. So on both substance and humor I give him an A+.

I'm part Turkish, when will Turks get White House?

Example of droll humor.

Personal story re innocent hobby ruined by cultists

I used to be very fond of studying certain eras in English history. My first ex-husband was the one who got me interested in the first place, since he was a history major at university. He got me interested in reading about Elizabethan England because of the Armada battle and the very interesting economic and social implications. Eventually I collected books and artifacts from several interesting periods of English history.

One day I made a joke that I realized only years later probably contributed to my being assaulted by cultists. It was when I was interested in the period of history called "The Steven and Matilda Wars." I found it a very interesting era because 1) it was pre-medieval and hence a fascinating time for human cultural development and 2) it involved two heirs, one being a woman, fighting for the throne of England. So I was well immersed in reading for pleasure about this period in English history when one day I had to give a talk at work, introducing a new project and the new consultant who would be hired to do the project. As I stood in front of the approximately twenty bank manager colleagues of mine, my boss whispered in my ear, "The consultant is not coming; he decided to take another job." So here were all these managers looking at me. I decided to bring some humor into the situation, since I liked them (not realizing many were cultist snakes) and wanted to make a friendly gesture of humor as a bonding. My boss was a great guy and very fun loving and funny himself, so I took a page from his playbook of clowning around a bit. So I said something like:

"The consultant has decided to take another job, so he is not showing up. Therefore we can't really launch this project right now. So instead I will lecture you on the Steven and Matilda wars." I then spent a few minutes telling them adventure stories (there's a famous escape that is much like St. Paul's escape down a wall) that I especially enjoyed, while they looked at me stunned. My boss thought it was hilarious. It was not a waste of time since the meeting hour had been divided into three parts, and so I just joked for a few minutes in lieu of my twenty minutes. Then I gave the floor to the next person. This was in the mid to latter 1980's, sometime after 1985.

I did not realize that ferocious and anti-Christian cultists were actively stalking me at the time and were looking for "clues" of me "remembering" my so called "past lives." Yep, you guessed it. It was a joke that ended up being on me in a horrible way, as they viewed this as further "justification" that the mean s*** otherwise known as "reincarnation" "exists" (it most assuredly does not). And of course with the "military" and "war" nature of what I was relating in the stories of Ye Olde Merry England, they viewed this as more reason to beef me in the most hurtful backstabbing (and I mean that in a few ways, not just one) methods possible.

Anyway, while I have your attention, did you know that King Egbert of England was viewed as the first real "King" of England because he was able to unify four counties (and for a while, through conquest, a fifth) under him? Each county had it's own king during that time, so he was the first to be recognized as King over all 4/5 of the counties.

Have a nice day and thank you for your attention.

More about humor, societal changes, speech

As part of my series about helping people, especially the young people, have a more complete view of using discernment in faith and reasoning and also accurate societal and historical context, here is more about humor. I’ve blogged about subversive humor and irony. I intend to blog more about subversive humor, since that’s a subject where I really got a totally unfair bite in the butt. Also, just because people misunderstood my subversive humor (which they overheard through illegal wiretapping of my home, I must point out, since subversive humor is not something one uses in the workplace) that does not mean subversive humor should be avoided. That’s like saying a high performance car is no good because someone doesn’t know how to drive it! So if I teach how to recover a real understanding of subversive humor as a high performance tool for selective use, it restores it to its proper place. But as I was thinking about writing the next part of my discussion of subversive humor, I realized I need to step back and give more societal context to both humor and conversation/discourse in general.

Not too long ago even one’s average person with an average education (up to high school) had a broad range of speech. I don’t mean a big vocabulary (though that existed too), but I mean that a broader range of emotions, and humor, were conveyed among average people in day to day speech. When I type these blog postings I often have my father in mind because he was very bright but also very typical. He was born in 1903 and dropped out of school in the 8th grade in order to help his parents, my grandparents at work. This was very typical in the first half of the 20th century, where people with even a genius IQ, as my father supposedly had, left school very early in order to work. It was not until after the war years that it was taken for granted that most kids would finish high school. And it was only the GI Bill that funded college for WWII veterans that started the shift where the average American (not just the wealthy) was assumed to be able to go to college. My cousin, in fact, was the first of our family to go to college. Anyway, my dad, as many like him, dropped out of school before high school, yet had a greater diversity of speech and humor than the average person in our modern society today. This is because expectations for learning, and their exposure to literature, was very high in the lower grades. Also, the natural status of humans is that they do have a wide range of emotions and hence speech in order to convey subtleties. It is actually only the past two generations (since the 1960’s) who have had so much of their speech, thought patterns and subtlety of emotion repressed.

Yes, you read right, repressed. Another word I would use is “homogenized.” It is the height of irony that the very swinging and “liberated” generation that demanded that “anything goes” inadvertently cut down their range of day to day options rather than expanded them. And you, dear younger readers, are the victims of that. The big catch phrase of your parent’s generation was “that’s not relevant.” In other words, they would dismiss something as not being worth knowing or doing if it was not the source of instant, and I mean instant, gratification. So many forms of humor, for example, went out the window into the trash. I understand if you have been raised to think the opposite, that with the golden age of comedy and so forth that new ways of being humorous were developed. Yes that is true but do remember that is for commercial, as in public, humor that is for sale or for public offering. For example, humor explored new areas of edginess and satire, such as pushing the envelope about decency, and also new forms of political satire. Let’s look at the emergence of political satire. Many in the past two generations smugly think that they “invented” political satire. That’s not exactly true. What they invented was a commodity to sell in the entertainment media, stand up political satire that did not exist before.

Comedians earlier in the century did not mock politics, mostly because the taste of the audience was for good natured escapism, not reminder of politics. But even more fundamental a misunderstanding, you must realize that two hundred years ago the average American’s speech was absolutely loaded with political satire. If you read any of the early newspapers many of you would find that mocking of politicians was not a stand up comedian “act,” but a reflection of the speech of the population as a whole. You would be absolutely shocked by the ferocity and lack of “political correctness” of political cartoons and rhetoric from the time of George Washington right up through the Civil War, and into the beginning of the 20th century. This was not being mean or rude. This is, rather, the robust, rustic and “speak your mind” variety of speech that was very common before speech became homogenized by television and other electronic media and the societal changes that became so self oriented. So your average couple of low education farmers in the 1800’s, for example, would have been able to have a very robust and colorful discussion of politics that is virtually unheard of (and in fact, condemned) today. Conversation, and also humor, was very rooted in reality, and a more traditional education, and thus had a wider range available to each person.

See, the “revolution” of the 1960’s coupled with the electronic media dummied down and “standardized” speech, and thought patterns, just at a time the true believers thought they were being more sophisticated, more versatile and that old canard of “breaking down barriers.” For example, sexual humor was viewed as great “progress” by many. But what they did not realize that like endangered species, sexual humor became like pigeons in the city while more subtle and diverse humor was liked endangered birds that no one heard of until they became extinct, and then everyone forgot they existed. So that is the point that I want you to understand and think about. Society has not been becoming more diverse and sophisticated. Like endangered species, society has actually become more standardized and homogenized, so that speech, thought and humor today is actually impoverished compared to what the “average Joe and Mary” took for granted only a century ago.

That’s one reason why I love Yiddish, for example. Yiddish conveys a range of subtle humor and zingy life reality concepts in a range of words that are really a national treasure. See, that is an example of how “less educated” people brought with them as immigrants and in their culture a wider variety of understanding of life, and good natured humor along with it. So those of you who had Yiddish speaking relatives know what I mean. Their speech could range from very blunt political comment into a very subtle human foible humor, and that was just the way they were naturally and by culture, not because they were trying to be performers or fitting in with the crowd. See what I mean?

So I thought of another example of humor to teach you about that anyone over a certain age would understand it if they read the phrase or used the humor themselves, but I suspect very few young people even know about it. It’s called “being arch.”

To be “arch” or to say something “archly” is to use a good natured haughtiness. If you read classic American or English literature, you will occasionally see in dialogue the “Example of a literature dialogue," she said archly. Everyone of a certain older generation knows what that meant when they read it and indeed once in a while would unconsciously use that form of humor in their conversation. So when someone says something “archly,” they are being a teensy bit haughty but in a harmless way or deliberately as a mild self mocking. Girls who knew how to flirt back when it was decent and relationship oriented knew how to be occasionally “arch” in their conversations. Here is an example I thought of so you can see.

Suppose a boy and a girl are talking and the boy said something the girl either didn’t understand, or chose not to understand (perhaps she thought it was a bit pushy but does not want to discourage him). And no, I’m not talking about sex, try to imagine normal articulate “getting to know you” conversation in the days before everyone only thought of “hooking up.” So suppose they are talking about a movie and the boy’s comments about the movie the girl either didn’t understand, or she wants to give him a mild warning that she does not approve of the concept of what he was trying to explain to her. So the dialogue would be:

“You mean you don’t understand what I said?” asked the boy.

“You could say that,” she said archly.

This isn’t a Pulitzer Prize winning example but it’s easy to work with so let’s use it. The girl saying something archly is to put a slightly haughty air onto it, but not as a put down to the boy, and if she is being flirty, it is even a slight self put down. It’s a subtlety that is like a flavor of vanilla among vanillas! Sometimes it is best to explain it by looking down the speech spectrum on either side. Being “arch” is a good natured haughtiness that does not go to the extremes of being “icy,” “pretentious,” “mocking,” or “reproving.” Depending on her facial expression and tone, she is letting the boy know that she is doing a genteel “midcourse correction” of the direction he was going with his movie comment. It’s not saying that what he was saying is bad at all! It might just be too soon to have that kind of conversation, for example. (Again, I’m not talking about sex. But suppose the movie is about some other topic that by commenting the way he did the boy seemed to endorsing or approving a theme the girl is not ready to discuss). Now if she was going to ratchet up into actually being disapproving, she would “reprove” him. Any girl or woman worth her salt knew how to reprove a boy or a man. To reprove someone is to let them know that you do not approve of what he or she said, but in a way that is totally gentle and not dismissive of the person or the conversation. Reprove would fall just under “chide” in severity, and chide is still a very gentle and positive technique.

There, see what I mean? I’ve just shown three progressive emotions and intentions In conversation that are subtle yet unmistakable, and were all extremely common in even the “uneducated” discourse of Americans and English one hundred years ago. People were automatically versatile enough to be “arch,” “reproving,” or “chiding” in a conversation. But you know what would happen if someone were arch, reproving or chiding today? Either it would go right over the head of the person they were speaking to, or if it was detected you’d likely get, “Bitch!” yelled at you in return. Modern speech has become arid, one dimensional, cartoonish and unforgiving, and that’s a fact. Humans have, with no exaggeration, actually lost an entire part of their spectrum of thoughts and emotions and the speech that supports that part of the spectrum. English vernacular (the everyday speech) is like all the shades of red were dropped and forgotten except for only one standard approved color of red, and that red was being touted and taught as being the “self actualizing and barrier busting red.” To apply it back to our boy and girl dialogue example, remember that the key to being “arch” is a good natured haughtiness that has an element of humor, and is not dismissive. We also discussed “chiding” and “reproving,” which are also gentle means of steering the discussion with unspoken cues that there is a problem with that particular thought, but not a desire to end the dialogue at all. So those would be like rosy shades of red, or carmine, or tomato red. But in modern conversation and thought there is just the constant search for “winner” and “loser” and one slaps the blood red “loser” on the other person over the smallest thing, with no attempt to use a full palette of generosity and humor, even with, amazingly enough, one’s loved ones.

Anyway, if you watch any of the real classic films of the 1930’s-1950’s, you might see a girl or woman being “arch” in a flirting way. But it was a serious and routine emotion and manner of speech that progresses a positive dialogue. Many people who look at a woman being “arch” in the film would not recognize its use and purpose and just think of it as being part of her being “classy,” “a snob,” or “a bitch,” even though that would be obviously wrong to anyone who grew up in a time of a full range of human emotion and thinking. The visual in a cartoon would be the lifted eyebrow, though that’s most typically the man’s version of “Oh, really?” Men and women differ in their intention and application of being “arch.” Colbert of course uses the arch visual, man’s version, and modernized to be gently satirical but edgy. But my point is pre-TV, away from TV, people were much richer in their range of thoughts and feelings and the good natured discourse that arose from it. It would have been unheard of for even the roughest man to misunderstand a woman being “arch,” and yell that he was “dissed” and “she’s a bitch.” I tell you, this society and world has become unrecognizable in so many ways that I’m scared on behalf of humans whenever I think about it.

Oh, a funny personal story about being “arch.” Back in the 1980's both my ex-husband and I were obviously familiar with the concept and subtlety of being “arch.” However, neither of us could actually do the visual, which is to lift one eyebrow! So as a personal joke and reference, if we saw someone being arch, or if one of us said something arch, we would use our own finger to lift an eyebrow! That’s another example of the ways that a couple derives personal patterns of speech. So if one of use touched and lifted an eyebrow, the other knew that it was a humorous referral to being arch. Also on this point, I hope that everyone who read this posting was able to be all adult and not think that I “selected” teaching about being “arch” because “arch” is really an anagram for “char,” which is British term for “housekeeper,” and thus I am reaching back into the shadowy past of mythical “reincarnated” housekeepers (routine reminder: reincarnation does not exist, never did and it never will).

So I’m glad I wrote this because I think some deep context setting is needed because humans have gone so far astray from themselves. Those of you who know Yiddish probably know what I mean easier than anyone else. Yiddish expresses a range of thoughts and emotions that were already there. Yiddish became so rich because the range of human experience that the language described was so rich. It’s not like today where emotion and language have been pruned so severely that many forms of speech are no longer used because shockingly the emotions and thoughts that they used to apply to are no longer “permitted,” understood or even remembered. Anyway, I really hope this helps. I don’t want people today, especially the young people, be so deprived of the fullness of good and subtle human experience and made to be so very negative as they have been pushed to become.

A favorite joke

A favorite Jewish joke

This was told to me in the late 1970's by my secular Jewish ex :-) Just think, thirty years ago I heard this joke and it had much resonance, how about now?


One day a young Jewish man was surprised to receive a St. Christopher medal from a close Christian friend of his. Not wanting to be rude, he accepted it but had no idea what to do with it. So he called his friend Moishe and asked him what to do. Moishe said, "Take it to the rabbi and get a bracha."

So the young man took the St. Christopher medal to an Orthodox rabbi. He showed it to the rabbi and asked him to give it a bracha. The Orthodox rabbi was horrified and told him he certainly would not give the medal a bracha, and to take it and himself right out of there.

The young man then decided to try a Conservative rabbi. The Conservative rabbi was sympathetic, but hesitant to do so, because he did not really know how to apply a bracha in such a case. So rather than make a mistake, he respectfully declined.

So in desperation the young man decided to try a Reform rabbi. He found the Reform rabbi, who had on some tie dyed clothes and beads around his neck. He opened his hand and showed the medal to the rabbi saying, "Could you please give this St. Christopher medal a bracha?"

Upon seeing the medal the rabbi exclaimed:

"Nice St. Christopher medal! What's a bracha?"


ha ha ha, and I can't type this half as funny as this story is told in person.

Mystical Number 230

The number of calories in one "Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Almonds" candy bar! The mystery is how I can get away with eating one a day and not getting enough exercise :-)

Catholic Joke from Years Ago

A friend of mine (the one who was afraid of the Rio Grande gorge bridge that I mentioned in a previous post) told me this joke years ago and I still giggle whenever I share it with someone else.


Two nuns are on vacation in Transylvania, driving in a rental car.

Suddenly a vampire drops down on the windshield of the car and is clawing, trying to get in.

The nun who is driving swerves left and right trying to shake the vampire off the car, but to no avail. In desperation the driving nun yells to the passenger nun:

"Show him your cross!!"

The passenger nun rolls down the window and yells at the vampire, "You son of a bitch, get the hell off of our car!!"



ha ha ha..... I love this joke :-)