What does God expect regarding forgiveness?

This grieving mother ponders forgiveness regarding the man who murdered her son.

http://www.canada.com/windsorstar/news/story.html?id=c1ee0a52-62ea-4fb0-afae-18652c7512bc

***
First of all, many Christians have a view of forgiveness that is not justified in the scripture. Some Christians think that God, through Jesus, is instructing them to forgive those who wrong them immediately. That is just not the case.

Jesus forgives the woman at the well for her sins, but only after she told him the truth and freely confessed to him. Jesus did not walk around forgiving people for things they did not first confess to. So in a modern society, this woman in the news story would be perfectly justified to not forgive 1) so long as the perp is denying having done the murder and 2) he has not either confessed, or found guilty (even after a lengthy trial) and 3) if he does not express sorrow for his actions, even if that is a brief statement at sentencing. So yes, God enjoins all to forgive, but there is nothing in the Bible about the timing having to be instantaneous. In fact, there is much scriptural justification for forgiveness being given only after confession and restitution. A woman such as this mother could find it in her heart to do it sooner, but actually, since this is not a one on one crime (in fact the guy seems to be a serial killer), she would be in her rights to not forgive until the entire story and third party culpability becomes clear through investigation and trial. What I mean is that it's not like he struck her. The perp killed her son, and others, and so there are facts to be obtained and disposal of a verdict since the harm was done to third parties.

So speaking of cases where the harm is done first hand to the person who is now pondering forgiveness, that too requires confession and admittance, and an attempt at restitution. Here is another area that some misinterpret Jesus' actions. Jesus forgave on the cross (while dying) and the first martyr St. Steven forgave while being stoned to death. These are often cited, inaccurately, as models for "instant forgiveness." Um, think about it. IF they were going to forgive, as Jesus and Steven were both clearly disposed toward forgiving, they, um, had to do it while still alive, I mean, duh. If Jesus and Steven were of the holy mindset to forgive, they had to do it while being killed in order to get around to it at all! But if they were not of the mindset to forgive as they are being killed, that would have been the normal course of things and just fine with God. I mean, really, think about it. Do you think God expects every Christian to yell "I forgive you" while fighting for their life in an assault? Um, no. That is why Jesus was Jesus, and Steven was the first martyr and saint. Their inclination was obviously on the life to come with God after their deaths, and so they set the role model for saintliness, not for human behavior. I sure would not like my child to be forgiving the person who is beating and raping her as he's doing it. I mean, a little common sense people, please.

It takes extraordinary grace to exercise forgiveness the way that the average people, the Amish, did when that guy took their girls hostage, intending to abuse them and then kill them, and resulting in deaths of himself and as I recall half of the hostage girls, wounding seriously the others. The Amish correctly made a faith based decision to forgive based on lots of grace. But remember, the perp was a neighbor, and his breakdown was a mystery to all. The Amish invoked their amazing grace in order to not burden themselves with trying to understand what only God could sort out when all is said and done. Forgiveness is necessary the moment the unforgiving starts to become an additional burden. So it should not be done too soon, because people who do not confess and repent do not merit forgiveness (though the grace of the person forgiving can obviously allow them to forgive even in cases where forgiveness is not yet merited), or it can't be merited because the perp is deceased. But if the burden of sorrow and anger starts to fester and further harm the victim, they should immediately find a way to forgive, with God's help.

Jesus teaches in the "Our Father" to ask God to forgive "us" our trespasses as "we forgive those" who trespass against "us." This is for the victim's good health and long term well being as much as it is doing good in God's eyes. In other words, Jesus is not just teaching people to forgive people so that God will be merciful to them in turn, though obviously that is the bulk of the justification. Jesus is also giving people a remedy, a medicine, for those who are wronged. And like any medicine it must be taken at the right time. Therefore, people should forgive in order to preserve their own peace of mind, but only after the natural process of perp identification, dispensation of the case, and/or confession, restitution, penance and recovery of the victim's ability to forgive has taken place. Like I said, Jesus did not walk through towns shouting, "Hey! I know all your sins! Don't even bother confessing to those you harmed, or making it up to them, cause God's going to make them forgive you anyway." I mean, sometimes one has to sketch the extreme satirical opposite view in order to explore the soundness of one's unspoken assumptions. Following Jesus as a model, you find he is generous with mercy and forgiveness, but only after the person has "come clean" with what they have done. That is why the Catholic Church has the sacrament of what we used to call Confession in less politically correct wording times. It's not that a "human" as a "priest" is inserting himself between humans and God, as non Catholics like to allege. It's to preserve the requirement, observed by following the example of Jesus Christ, that confession must be made in public in the sense of being spoken to another person authorized to evaluate the sin. Otherwise people let themselves off the sin hook all the time. "God knows I'm sorry" they say to themselves and think that's that. Um, nope, that's not that.

Anyway, God bless this lady in her sorrow about her son, and please, folks, don't pressure her either way. People know when it is time to forgive, and especially if it has been merited by truthfulness.