Cultists think I'm ugly, old and fat

Hey, I guess everyone has to be good at something. I'm apparently good at being disliked and hated for lots of reasons, most of them hidden, occult and/or mean spirited.

Here's what's weird. They hated my appearance in particular when I was married, which included a quite thin and fit phase, and yes, some of the middle age "putting on weight when I only have desk job and no exercise" phase. So they disliked my appearance when I was fit, average size slim AND young. That's I guess when the ugly part is handy to bandy around at me. I remember in the early 1990's, I guess around 1991-3, since it was while I was still married, though separating, a vendor at the bank I used to work kept working into the conversation how hot and talented Mariah Carey was. His wife was in "her organization," so it's not like this guy had a crush or something... he had to work hard to get the MC references into our office place conversations. Trust me, I got the hint. I got my big (and I guess so unattractive) nose repeatedly rubbed into her "talent," her "beauty" her "hotness" and her "wedding gown" and "snagging" of TM. Believe it or not, ten years later a celeb "friend" of hers, an obvious admirer, urged me to send her an email birthday greeting, and back then I would have done anything to make him happy, and so I did.

But what cultists don't understand is not every woman is "on the meat market." I never was. In fact, I never had a "dating" life at all. Part of it was because I'm not that hot, but mostly it was because dating was not compatible with my private mission and the preparation for it. I only married because I became under psychic and physical attack by the cultists and I needed body guards. So cultists, who mock my face, my body, my "fat" and my clothes style, cannot understand people like me who did not "dress" to be on display on the "meat market."

It frustrated them that I don't "realize" how "fat" and "unattractive" I am, and how I lack "style." They'd leave hints of all kinds for me, because that's what they do, figure out ways to make other people feel low so they can feel all high and mighty and superior. I never got the "hint" because I wasn't trying to be slim, hot, or "marketable." Even in college I mostly favored my step dad's blue work shirt with an anti-war patch sewn on the pocket. We were "earnest" back then, not trying to be "hot."

Body weight is a matter of activity. Duh. When I have a chance to be physically active I am quite slim. My measurements in high school were 36-26-36, only 2 inches off (since I have a bulkier build) than the "ideal" of 36-24-36.

I got back down to an ideal weight back in 2003, when I had a physical fitness program and I had finished work on my thesis. I had to stop doing that, however, because the assault of the cultists culminated in my not even being able to safely go into the woods hiking and so forth. One of them tried to drown me in 2003 and that put the kabash on my feeling "comfortable" doing walking and other fitness. (The only reason I did not drown is his dog was swimming nearby and as I gulped water and went down, I managed to grab the dog and he pulled me to shore). And look at that jogger in Orlando, killed in broad daylight while jogging a popular trail.

And so the weight has gone back on and I'M supposed to feel inadequate and ugly about it! I do actually, because I realize the body image crap slinging on me is indicative of how ugly the souls of most humans have become.

Actually, not to be TOO depressing but by way of education, this was one of the ways I was able to realize that I was being deliberately stalked by cultists, rather than unconsciously attracting those who envy God's own, as I had assumed. One was that I figured out over time that they were making "fat" jokes and hints out of the word "Fatima," regarding not only our Lady but the Prophet's (PBUH) daughter. I still have one of the physical "hints" about this that was left in my train seat for me to find.

But much worse was how I came to the realization I had been assaulted while under surgery. My "doctor" told me right after surgery that one reason the surgery was so "complicated" is because I have "a lot of body fat." Um, I had at the most fifteen pounds over the ideal weight, which is not even noticeable to the doctor. I'll never forget the piglike gleaming in his eyes when he said that. I did not let on but it was then that I knew that something terribly wrong had been done to me. The Holy Spirit later "filled me in" on what happened, for the most part. And of course, the constant stalking and hints about what happened guarantees that even an ugly, old fat "IDIOT" like me could figure it out (and hear the reruns over and over and over again). Now what happened to me is not so different than what happens to a lot of people, especially children, I'm sad to say. I guess Shoebox cards need to come out with the "Your daughter's reached five and has not be molested yet!" line of celebratory greetings.


So, yes, I do feel bad. (That's the quote).