Personal musings about race relationships

I've blogged about this before, but have learned that I guess I just have to keep repeating myself over and over and over again. Plus I thought of a true event from my personal life to share.

The reason it is on my mind is that one of the talk show hosts today mentioned how racial sensitivity has even extended into some people misunderstanding vocabulary that has nothing to do with race but has racial sounding syllables (I'm not even going to type them here, even though it's just plain English grammar) or objects that are "black" are now suspect in normal speech. I can relate.

For some reason early in my adulthood I discovered that Afro Americans I didn't even know were hostile to me. Not being racist, I didn't notice a pattern. For every couple of Afro Americans who hated me for no reason, there were whites that hated me for absolutely no reason also. So I never noticed a particular pattern except, of course, wondering why humans in general hate before even having a reason. Later, as I've related to the point that I'm sick of the subject myself, I discovered that stalking cultists had spread rumors about me and in particular, stoked imaginary grudges.

What do I mean by an imaginary grudge? Cultists cultivated amongst themselves and their entourages that people 1) carried over "beefs" from their "previous lives" (reminder: that is their delusion, there is no reincarnation) and 2) examined words slips, Freudian slips, speech patterns, friendship patterns and "butt kissing" patterns in order to "reveal" hidden prejudices etc. For example, if someone never slept with an Afro American, they were on the "suspect list" of being "racist." If you used a term that was subversive humor (such as I and my husband used) rather than that being identified correctly as a mark of solidarity and subversiveness, it was instead, most ignorantly and simplistically, assumed to be racist. I'll post more on the subversive humor aspect of the racial problem some other time, when I think the public mood is such that people can pretend to be all grown up and read it as adults. Maybe I have to check the "astrology charts" and wait for "Mercury to enter Cancer" before I do that, HA HA HA. (That is ironic and sarcastic laughter).

Anyway, I did think of a tender story I wanted to share. My husband and I separated in 1992 and our divorce was finalized end of 1993. We split on very amiable terms and in fact I knew about his dating life (his "top two" and "which one he picked.") He got married soon after we divorced and his wife is Afro American. She's a nice lady so far as I can tell (I only met her once), very pretty (and THIN! Not all chubby like me!!) She's very high in the medical profession and for privacy sake I won't give more detail.

As soon as they married I asked my husband if they were planning to have children. I was hoping that he'd say yes. But he told me they were both lukewarm on the subject (as he was when we were married, which was fine because as I've explained before, I knew any children of mine would have been in dire danger from cultists, so one reason I let him "pick me" as a wife was that I knew he would not press me on having children, no, far from it in fact.) So because I thought he'd make a fine dad and he had missed out on having kids, through his own choice, I really hoped that he and his wife would have kids. Remember, this is in 1994-5 that we had this conversation. I would have loved for them to have kids and I think they would have been adorable.

Can you now understand how unjust accusations of ME being racist have been? Sometimes it seems I'm the only one urging Afro Americans to have children and not the "liberal sacrament" of abortion. So there is PROOF that far from being racist, I had hoped that my own ex-husband would have children with his Afro-American wife.

In 1995 someone I inherited as a "employee" who was Afro-American accused me to my face of "not liking her" because I'm a "racist" and that my husband "married a black woman" and I'm "mad about that." Obviously nothing could have been further from the truth. Yet she contributed whole heartedly to making my life a living hell. Gee, I wonder where she got the idea that I was racist from?

God sure knows the answer to that and he's not very happy about it.