Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Probably my last post

I have endured the ruining of my personal and professional life, and the hindering of my mission from God to comfort and assure people of the accuracy of past and completed revelation, and to testify to God's love and mercy, for decades without any comfort or remediation.

I continued to consider myself God's ambassador regarding explaining his love, his mercy, but also his all knowing and judgment, and worked, often through my tears, to continue to reach out to even those who have so grievously harmed me. I had had nothing but love and fondness for many, many people, even those who had destroyed my life. I was always able to draw upon the Holy Spirit and find a way to continue to teach, even as I was being kicked in the side, stabbed in the back, isolated, mocked and ruined.

However, rather than seeing any daylight, any improvement in my ability to obtain justice and recompense for all that I have suffered for false and cruel reasons, imposing on me of further misery continues. Like others I have received credit limitation letters from banks, such as American Express and Bank of America, but unlike others, since I have been robbed of the ability to support myself, I had relied on credit to continue my teaching mission. Those who control these matters only seek more opportunity to humiliate and ruin me.

Thus I have in prayerful consultation with God come to the decision, with his agreement, that I cannot be his ambassador of love, mercy and charity when I have not received a drop of any of those qualities from anyone living in return.

No matter what I do, and how many people I give the love of God to, and message of his mercy, and how better to know him, I have been mocked and tormented in the small matters of life, and also the large. My health is ruined, I cannot pay my bills, I am not allowed to have any job, my friends all became cultists and destroyed our friendship, and those I loved have demonstrated that they serve Satan, and themselves, and not God. I continued to minister through this blog, and in prayer, even when, for example, I would open the newspaper and see a few days after one of my blogs a satirical reference to that topic, often in a cartoon, or in a crossword puzzle (get it? "cross" word? that is one of their favorite ways to mock me and, much worse, mock God and the work that I try to do on his behalf).

As a result, I can no longer feel any love for any person since all have allowed themselves to be ensnared and enmeshed in my persecution and the much worse implication that God himself is being mocked. I do not bring revelation, I explain the revelation that has been already given. When I am mocked, despised, humiliated, and assaulted (as I am whenever people refer to the photographs of the things that were done to me unconscious in the hospital) these people-you- are doing that to God himself, as I am only here to speak his word as his ambassador. This is why he agrees that I can no longer be expected to suffer through representing his love, mercy and charity when I have received none of it in return.

A day or two before Jett died I knew that someone somewhere will desperately need God's mercy, and I prayed that night that God would extend mercy in the place where because of past deeds, I knew it was not deserved. This is one example of where I see that God does not expect me to love, advocate or pray for those who only afflict me either personally or through their cult or other group support, in "return." Every day I see the signs that God has totally lost patience, but the more I try to help people regain their righteousness, the more I am isolated, ruined and humiliated in return. As I said, I will write of comfort and then see or hear in the media a reflective mocking of that very specific topic in a matter of days or hours.

I have found that all that I can pray for each day is that God will call me home. I know that it is quite possible, as I have a very wounded heart. I truly wish to be gone from life and in the companionship of the saints, who mourn where the world has gone to. Honestly, I will probably be the first person in history who insists on receiving thousands of years of purgatory even when it is not needed, just to be assured that the filth of all that has surrounded my life has been scrubbed off and discarded for all eternity. A thousand years of purgatory would be better than any five minutes I have received from any of you.

And so I obtained release from God that I can no longer be his ambassador of love when I have received nothing but hate, withholding of friendship, and abuse in return, and that it continue unabated so that I even wish to die.

Just so you cultists can have your thrill of victory and little "we won" dance, after I received my release from God I dropped my pants, bowed in the bathroom to the sink near the potty fixtures that you so admire, and washed my feet in the toilet.

I would wish all of you luck and good will, but nothing that you do is done with full truthfulness and clean hearts or hands, which is why my intercessory prayers on your very behalf have not been granted by God, so I won't both to wish you luck when you have "made your own luck" and will seriously pay the price for that "lucky luck luck luck" in return.

In God's name,