Part 3: Easy example (continued)

OK, so we are examining the case study where a parent’s conscious A is telling his son’s conscious B that he needs to clean his room. This parent has a hidden agenda, but because that agenda is known to her or himself it is still considered part of conscious A conversation. However, the parent has a deep need unbeknownst and un-admitted to her or himself to hurt the son when he is happiest. This is unconscious A having a simultaneous conversation to conscious A with the son’s conscious B.

The unconscious is very visible to people other than the person having the unconscious thoughts. If you are aware of your feelings and motivations they are by definition conscious, albeit sneaky or underhanded. If you are not aware of your feelings and motivations and are in denial that they exist, then by definition they are part of your unconscious. Just because you are unaware of them, though, does not mean you do not act upon them. Therefore many of your actions come from unconscious demands. Because you act on them they are visible in many cases to the people you interact with. They may not recognize them as your unconscious drivers, but they experience their effects since your words and actions are in part motivated by the unconscious.

Suppose that your son has an unconscious belief that he is unworthy. So despite his joy at having a first date, deep down inside he does not feel he deserves the affections of a girlfriend. I’m not talking about someone who consciously feels like a geek, or excessively shy, or with low self esteem because those are conscious thoughts. This type of son knows he feels that way and struggles consciously with those sad thoughts and feelings. I’m talking about someone, son B in this case, who on the surface feels very lovable and successful, but unconsciously feels unworthy. He may even act one extreme because he is unaware that he actually feels the other extreme. But in this example the boy is not extreme, but does have a considerable unconscious reservoir of feeling of unworthiness. This is his unconscious B.

The parent’s unconscious A desires to wound and hurt and the parent’s unconscious A finds its mark in the son’s unworthy feeling unconscious B. That is an example of unconscious A conversation to unconscious B that takes place at the same time as conscious A speaks to conscious B. Unbeknownst to both, unconscious A and unconscious B have consummated a sad and hurtful transaction.