What is worse than people who critique/criticize?

Answer: People who do not critique or criticize because they do not care if you rise or fall, succeed or fail.

Years ago I worked as a manager in a bank information technology group. As a result I had to do the dreaded bureaucracy of the annual employee performance review for the members of my group.

One year I gave one of my managers her first performance review from me. I gave her the top performance scoring possible, and marked her meets/exceeds in all performance parameters. I also wrote text noting her achievements and qualities. Then I added one area where after much thought I identified that if she could change/adapt one area of performance she would be poised to be promoted or achieve higher performance satisfaction.

After receiving the performance review she burst into my office in an indignant fury! Remember, I had given her the highest rating possible overall and in every category and verbally praised her performance, listing individual successes. Yet she was in a borderline tearful rage over my giving her ONE suggestion for change. By change I mean an additional quality rather than modifying an unsatisfactory, of which she had none. She was infuriated at my suggestion to groom her for more and better assignments, viewing it as "unfair criticism!"

I sat her down and said, "Why can you not see that I've given you the highest performance rating possible, and I am thinking ahead for your own career satisfaction and career ladder the one area that I racked my brains that you could refine and prepare yourself for?" She was still angry but at least listening.

So I said, "All right, let's imagine that I don't care at all about you, but have to give you a review because that is part of my manager responsibility. I don't need aggravation so I give you the same highly rated review, but no additional suggestion. I keep to myself the knowledge of what you 'could do better' to achieve the next assignment that you would enjoy more than this one. I give you the review and no sweat off my back, you accept it as your due and leave with a smile. But I don't tell you what you could work on to give yourself even more. Who would be the better person and manager, the one who coaches you about the next step, while praising you, or the one who praises you and does not coach you just to shut you up?"

She was totally silent. I don't know if she really understood what I said but it knocked her off her horse. Folks, coaches "coach" and critics "critique" because they care about you and want you to be more successful (whatever your standard of success is), be happier, have more peace, and prosper (both materially and spiritually).

I'm sharing this story because it is a very important life lesson for you all to learn.

True coaching and critiquing is not "gotcha" mentality to make the person feel bad. It is thoughtful analysis by someone with a broader view of "what is working for you" and "what is not working for you." I'm glad football coaches don't pat the little celebrity boys and girls who are earning millions of dollars on professional teams to say "Oh, I don't have any suggestions for your performance because you are doing so wonderful" while they drop the ball. And I bet celebrity footballers don't want their coaches to just gush over them and not give them positive coaching advice.

This blog posting is also a prelude to what I am going to write in my next posting about the Arun Gandhi controversy.