Wednesday, July 18, 2007

What is a real woman?

Here's a little true story from my life. When I was in high school, college, and then embarking on a career there was a lot of discrimination against women. I of course oppose discrimination in the area of equal pay for equal work, and in stereotypical characterization of women, as there was a lot of back then. Having said that, though, I soon found that the women who "got ahead" around me (in a major Wall Street bank at the time) were what I called to myself "female impersonators." They were very hard and aggressive women. They were miles away in compassion and common sense from the 1950's male "patriarchal" boss that they so disrespected. They would not lend a helping hand to male or female, even if they saw someone drowning in front of them. One of my employees told me that when she worked for one of those "FI's" that when the employee came down with the disease multiple sclerosis, this FI boss would not let her call for a car (instead of take the subway) to take her home as walking and standing became more difficult. This was a company that paid for personal limo service for anyone if you worked after 8 pm... but my employee's former FI boss would not find a way to get car service for her when she needed it, despite decades of service.

Anyway, after 10 years in this bank I ended up working for one of the worst of the FI's. She slandered and tortured me out of that job, and eventually out of that career track. She was married to another executive in this bank and had tons of money, power, and influence. She was very cruel to me and I left the bank with only lawyers speaking for me, if you know what I mean.

About three years later I happened to be in the area once again, planning to meet a friend at the street corner of that bank office where I used to work. It was pouring rain. As I hurried along to meet my friend to my astonishment this FI ex-boss came running up to me in the pouring rain, with no umbrella, and with a huge smile. As I stood there she rushed up to me and said nothing except, "I'm pregnant!" She was absolutely glowing and looked most human! She didn't care about her appearance, her hair was plastered down in the rain, and she just was grinning and grinning. I told her, sincerely, how happy I was for her. And then she hustled off. She never asked how I was doing, to say nothing of expressing regrets for treating me like a dirty carpet outside the door.... but that did not diminish my gladness that she had found joy is being an actual woman.

And how cool she didn't run up to me and say, "Wow, I just helped a girl procure an abortion! I'm a real woman's advocate!"

(And here's another strange irony... only a little over a year before I "lost my eggs" in unexpected surgery, which made me think back then about the very interesting timing of running into her...)

Anyway, her kid would be I think about 10 years old today, but I still think on that day in the rain.

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